Wake up call

This last weekend - talk about a wake up call! - was spent with our friends in Philly who have a 5 1/2 month year old and their friends and family who all have babies under 18 months old.  Where to start?  Jeez I'm not sure I'm ready for all that.  There is no off switch and there's no other way to put it.  It seemed like the baby was all that was on Jenny's mind.  Jason's mind too.  Plus everything else with owning a house, working, entertaining family and friends, etc. 

It scares me that I'm not sure how our lives will change.  We think we know how we will be with a baby and then a child, but everything I've heard is that you can throw those expectations out the window because everything will be different.  So I'm not sure of the change, plus I'm not sure I want change.  I'm comfortable right now.  Sure, J & J were very happy - extremely happy - besides their boughts of arguing.  I know I want that happiness though.  A baby to share the love of Andy and me.  To grow our family and the love we share.

It scares me that I might miscarry again and not be able to experience that love.  That scares me more than the thought of unknown change.  I don't think I will ever be able to get over the fright of the loss.  Even if we do have a baby.